just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
