I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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