Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
