JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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