I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize