I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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