i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
