He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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