No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
