I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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