This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
COCAINE IS GR8
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
