MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
