I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
