arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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