Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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