So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
