I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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