Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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