Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
