I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
where are my eyebrows?
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