Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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