i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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