She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
