I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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