Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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