Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
