i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
