im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
