I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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