If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
