We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
