dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
