His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it glows. i had to have it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
