I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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