I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
