i just google imaged poop.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will pee on everything he values.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
