remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wear drunk well.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
