Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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