yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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