She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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