i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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