I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
