Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
