i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
