am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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