By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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