I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
