i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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