I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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