i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize