I just pynch a tree in the face
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
