between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
