This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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