Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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