She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
