Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
