Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
