meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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