Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
