DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
