rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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