I want to walk on stilts...naked
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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