I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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