I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
