im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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