i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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