Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Duck Duck Cougar?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
