I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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