it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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