She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
