you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
