I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
