We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
