I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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