Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
