That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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