Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
