Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
