you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
